So. I tend to have these days where I make incredibly wild goals that I know I'll never meet even though I really want to... I pretend like I'm a different person that could actually do these things. Waking up early sounds like a great plan at night, but if you don't prepare (which I don't, as you can see, I like to stay up incredibly late) then in the morning you're like.. Screw that, I want to SLEEP. So. I've decided morning resolutions are probably not the best idea for me. I will have to try to do things at night since I can't sleep anyway. But then I'm always tired and exhausted and lazy in the evening. so there's that excuse. wtf. herein lies my issue. I'm most alert and ready to work out and do what I need to do around 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Unfortunately, that's smack in the middle of WORK. By the time I get home, I'm no longer motivated to do anything. I really don't know how I'm going to figure this out. It's been the dilemma of my life. I need responsibility to get me motivated. Maybe the puppy will help. Get up early to feed her... walk her maybe... depending on the time. we'll see how that works out. I need someone to count on me. That seems to be the only motivation I can think of.
For the first time, I really feel FAT. it's dragging me down. before, I knew I had some extra weight, but I could hide it alright and it never really bothered me that much. Now I feel huge. I'm still the heaviest I've ever been. I want to stop feeling trapped in my jeans. They're too tight. I ripped my favorite pair last month while moving. Right in the thigh seams. That was a hint. I need to do something about this. I need to control my eating first. I've been doing alright, but I could be so much better.
Maybe if I keep up here I can feel somewhat accountable. We'll see.
