I'm crying on the inside...

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.... I REFUSE to see the scale tip 200. Just weighed myself. Once again the heaviest I've ever been. 188.5. And I've been feeling it. My clothes don't fit anymore. My favorite jeans have holes in them from being fat. My body is gross. I've never thought of it like that. Maybe a little chubby but not big and gross. Well, I'm big and gross. Wii fit told me the other day that I was obese. I finally hit it. Not to mention I only freakin' got on to weigh my dog. This is ridiculous. I want to start doing Jillian. I want to start running. I want to start eating vegetables and healthy food! REAL FOOD. I need more support. It's so hard alone. I want to join Weight Watchers again. I mean, like the meetings and stuff. Physical. I have it online but it doesn't make me accountable. Maybe I need to find a group on there or something. I don't know. UGH.

Goal: I am going to buy new jeans the first week of December. Well fitting jeans. I REFUSE to buy a size larger than a 10. We'll see.