Hello Diet Dr Pepper... So We Meet Again...

So it's officially official. I've started Weight Watchers again. For real this time. I'm going to meetings with Dev so I can finally be accountable. Yay! It's a rocky start so far but I'll get used to it. I'm excited to get going on this. My goal is to lose 40 pounds by December. We'll see... It's gonna be great!

I'm crying on the inside...

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.... I REFUSE to see the scale tip 200. Just weighed myself. Once again the heaviest I've ever been. 188.5. And I've been feeling it. My clothes don't fit anymore. My favorite jeans have holes in them from being fat. My body is gross. I've never thought of it like that. Maybe a little chubby but not big and gross. Well, I'm big and gross. Wii fit told me the other day that I was obese. I finally hit it. Not to mention I only freakin' got on to weigh my dog. This is ridiculous. I want to start doing Jillian. I want to start running. I want to start eating vegetables and healthy food! REAL FOOD. I need more support. It's so hard alone. I want to join Weight Watchers again. I mean, like the meetings and stuff. Physical. I have it online but it doesn't make me accountable. Maybe I need to find a group on there or something. I don't know. UGH.

Goal: I am going to buy new jeans the first week of December. Well fitting jeans. I REFUSE to buy a size larger than a 10. We'll see.

It was hard to breathe today...

I am so ridiculously unhealthy it's making me physically ill. (well of course it is) I'm done. with the candy and chocolates and constant goodies and fast food and CRAP CRAP CRAP. I need healthy food. I WANT healthy food. so bad. I just don't know where to begin. I'm going to have a strawberry. The one piece of fruit in this house. That usually goes to the turtle. I'll give her one too...

:((

I have to wear a bathing suit today. ew.

Maytime

I've gained 20 pounds since I started this blog which was a little over a year ago. I've lost no weight. Obviously this did not do what it was supposed to do... I'm stuck. I don't know what to do. I'm lazy and out of shape and I just don't know how to fix this. I would love to buy all kinds of awesome food and make my own food for lunch and dinner rather than eating out all the time but I live with people. Meaning there's no room for MY FOOD. It sucks like you wouldn't believe. I need to start working out. Like really. Maybe if I just start with Wii Fit and work up to something more challenging. I just need to make it a habit. I need to start Weight Watchers again too. I have it online now I just need to start DOING IT. I did it the other day and was good until dinner where I fell apart. I need to go buy some Progresso soups so I can have those for lunch or dinner and then splurge on the other. 0 point soups FTW! I ripped my jeans again the other day. I'm such a fatty! This is so sickening. I want to look good and feel good for once... Please!

hmm

So. I tend to have these days where I make incredibly wild goals that I know I'll never meet even though I really want to... I pretend like I'm a different person that could actually do these things. Waking up early sounds like a great plan at night, but if you don't prepare (which I don't, as you can see, I like to stay up incredibly late) then in the morning you're like.. Screw that, I want to SLEEP. So. I've decided morning resolutions are probably not the best idea for me. I will have to try to do things at night since I can't sleep anyway. But then I'm always tired and exhausted and lazy in the evening. so there's that excuse. wtf. herein lies my issue. I'm most alert and ready to work out and do what I need to do around 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Unfortunately, that's smack in the middle of WORK. By the time I get home, I'm no longer motivated to do anything. I really don't know how I'm going to figure this out. It's been the dilemma of my life. I need responsibility to get me motivated. Maybe the puppy will help. Get up early to feed her... walk her maybe... depending on the time. we'll see how that works out. I need someone to count on me. That seems to be the only motivation I can think of.

For the first time, I really feel FAT. it's dragging me down. before, I knew I had some extra weight, but I could hide it alright and it never really bothered me that much. Now I feel huge. I'm still the heaviest I've ever been. I want to stop feeling trapped in my jeans. They're too tight. I ripped my favorite pair last month while moving. Right in the thigh seams. That was a hint. I need to do something about this. I need to control my eating first. I've been doing alright, but I could be so much better.

Maybe if I keep up here I can feel somewhat accountable. We'll see.

Seriously

I'm ridiculous. I know. But this time I'm starting FOR REAL. I signed up for Weight Watchers Online today. I'm starting it tomorrow. It worked last time, it'll work this time. I'm so sick of being a fatty!!! I've reached an all time high in my weight. 178. It's finally gotten to me. I need to do something before I'm freaking 200 pounds! I'm going to do elliptical once a day and pilates twice a week. Going on the Walk for Hope Sunday morning then to the zoo so that will test my endurance and get me ready for all the exercise. I am so ready for this. I finally got sick of Dr Pepper. Wow! At least for a few days. I need to stop drinking it every day. and I WILL. Lemonade is yummy too. And no more fast food!!! Okay. Here we go...

Elliptical schedule I want to stick to:

Morning, first thing.

Week 1: 5 minutes

Week 2: 10 minutes

Week 3: 15 minutes

Week 4: 20 minutes

Week 5: 25 minutes

Week 6: 30 minutes (Week 6 starts Nov 7)

Mood Swing

Why is it that when you're not able to do something, you suddenly really want to do it, even if it's something you didn't want to do when you were able to do it??? I twisted my ankle and scraped up my knee (which had already given out on me 2 days ago) yesterday. Now today I have this drive to work out. wtf??? Oh well, maybe it's just what I need to get me going. I'm okay enough to do some things but nothing too aggressive like running or anything that requires a whole lot of foot/leg movement. So I dusted off the Wii Fit and started it for the first time this month. It felt good. For the first time, I didn't want to just do the balance games. I really wanted a workout. So I did the hula hoop, which gets pretty intense. I started with beginner and wow, I've really lost my stamina for the hula hoop. I was hurting before I was half way through, and finished off panting and plopping down on the couch. So I went to some yoga and strength training for a few minutes then finished off with some boxing. I really want my legs to be better. I'm going to do the Wii Fit body test every day, at least 10 minutes of workout 5 days a week (focusing on Aerobics), and then my Jillian Michaels DVD 3 times a week. I think it's a good regimen. I put a small goal on Wii Fit to lose 3 pounds by my birthday, but I'm hoping to lose 5. I guess it just depends on when I can really use my legs again. (I sound so crippled. It's not that bad. Just some limping.) Now hopefully I can keep my motivation this time. :)

Starting Weight: 163
Current Weight: 164
Goal Weight: 140
Weight Loss to Date: +1 lbs
Goal Weight Loss: 23 lbs